This post has been a long time coming and I'm not even going to do it justice. Long story short: Mike Baca is a local sports guy and he is the absolute worst. The. Worst. He's one of the local voices where I live for ESPN radio and he commentates some of the local sporting events too. I would imagine, despite his terribly low-level vocabulary, that he likely writes about sports as well. I, as a general rule, do my best to not read anything written near where I live. It almost always hurts my brain.

That all being said, I wanted to give you a paraphrased excerpt of Mike Baca calling a local high school playoff football game a few weeks back. I admit this is a paraphrase, but I'd argue that it's relatively accurate; only slightly exaggerated. Remember that this was on the RADIO. Not the TV.

"Wow. Wow... Would you look at that... Wow... Unbelievable. He breaks a tack-- wow. And another-- ! Wow. Simply amazing. And he's still up. Wow. AND HE SCORES!!!"

Translation:

"Hand off to the back! Running off tackle! He slips a tackle at the line of scrimmage! Cuts toward the sideline. Breaks a tackle. Quick stutter-step! Breaks another tackle! And he's off to the races! Looks like a clean break! He's at the 30! The 20! He's still up, heading for the end zone! AND HE SCORES!!!"

Two things. "Wow" is not adequate play-by-play. Especially not on the radio. Furthermore, no I will not "look at that". I'm listening to the radio, moron.

That was, honest to God, what it was like listening to him on the radio. I can't tell you how many "Wow."s and "Amazing."s I got. I don't mean using just the word 'wow' or the word 'amazing' in a sentence. I mean, that was the whole sentence. He would describe entire plays with just, "Wow."

One word for how bad he is? Wow.